9 MINUTE READ
Last night I had a healing dream. Having It was the opposite of my Hendrick dream the night before. It did start with a weird part where I was sitting at this long table with a whole bunch of people in New York City, a lot of them family, but it was like people from my life from all times in my life. They were doing a ‘This is Your Life” moment, and there came a time when they started to bring up an ex-lover of mine. And it was then that everybody started staring at me, and I turned it to the person next to me, and I was like, why are they staring at me? And that person was like, well, they’re talking about your ex and want to see how you will react. It’s not that I was embarrassed at that moment. It’s more like I was shocked. Everyone at the table was being somewhat predatory and manipulative when talking about something they thought would make me uncomfortable. My ex was there and also looking to see my reaction. My C-PTSD dreams tend to mirror the tragic or painful situations I’ve been in throughout my entire real life. And although this moment never happened in my life, it has the flavor of how people in my past would treat me.
The second part of the dream was healing. Everyone got up from the table and shuffled out to leave when that ex came along. I blocked all the people out of sight with my hair. I was impressed with my ability to avoid all the drama, even ignoring my ex!
The third part of the dream was the most healing. It was cool. This part of the dream went on for quite a while, and I had a brand new romantic partner. I’ve never met this person in real life, and we were together for quite a bit in the dream. We never broke up in the dream. We were still together when I woke up. We talked about how good we felt together, how come we cell together, and markedly how there was a lack of anxiety. We reflected on how much we enjoyed each other’s company and what we had gone through as a couple up until that moment. Apparently, in the dream, there was a time when I was Ill with some sort of fever. I was acting somewhat irrationally, and my partner was like well, I guess I’m just going to take care of this crazy gal until she gets better, and then we’ll break up. Well, we didn’t break up. And she thought, eventually, she would get rid of me; maybe she felt she was too dull, but I didn’t (break up with her), which surprised her. After commenting about how good we both felt and how comfortable, she was like well, I don’t know if I can come it forever. And I said how about for today? and she was like that feels good. And the feeling was there’s a possibility that this could be here for a long time.
OK, so back to real life. There was a while when I would only have C-PTSD dreams. And they were not very original, as they were just repeats of the past trauma and drama I experienced. In these dreams, it was the same old characters that hurt me in real life showing up in my dreams. Occasionally the ending would be happier than it was in real life. Sometimes, I would find the words to say or stand up for myself in a way that I never had in real life, which was gratifying. But, after all of these dreams, and I’m sure they will come and go as I heal, I thought, is it too much bandwidth for my brain to develop brand-new characters/people? All my dreams are about people I’ve loved and lost in some way, not necessarily that they died, just that they’re no longer in my life. So, is it too much to dream about people I’ve never met or seen on TV or social media? It can’t be that hard, right? I mean, I’m one of the most accurate psychics out there. I should be able to do this! And then, just like that, I started dreaming about people I had never met or seen before! And not only that, but they were going on adventures with me. They were having fun. Sometimes it wasn’t exciting, but they were not treating me unkindly. And that felt awesome!
That dream of the long-term healthy loving partnership was so important because, up until now, even if I had dreams where I was being healthy, I was being healthy in the face of an unhealthy situation. For instance, the dream I had before that Hendrick dream was me being best friends with people who were in love with me, but I had no romantic interest. Again dreams mirror reality. I found myself in this type of situation repeatedly in real life, only at the time I did not realize that they were in love with me. I just thought we were close friends. These friendships, where romantic feelings were one-way towards me, kept for a long time, made for quite the toxic relationship, to put it mildly. I can’t talk about every situation, but in my case, if a person was in love with me and I was keeping them very close and was not interested in them romantically, it was a setup for major drama. I did not realize that these people weren’t in love with me and I was shocked to find out. Thankfully since then, through therapy and training/study, I have realized when people have romantic feelings for you much easier than before. I feel like it’s because I’m on the autism spectrum that I was missing many of these social cues that other people could see plainly but not me. And it’s not just because I was in the middle of a situation that I couldn’t see, but because of my lack of ability to read subtle social cues. But like I said, I feel more at ease knowing I can now catch these social signals and accurately categorize them. And since I’ve learned that, I have had to turn several people away from being friends because I knew they wanted something that I didn’t. And I don’t want to lead anyone on!
Something else coming up for me today has made me excited and proud. Moving to this new town a year ago, I knew in my heart that my intuition was telling me there were crystals here. When I say crystals, I don’t need crystals in a shop. I mean crystals in the ground, but you don’t even need to mine ones just lying on the ground that you can pick up and take home. I call it crystal gathering. A lot of people call it rockhounding. I love this kind of stuff. So when I moved here a year ago, I did a lot of research and tried to find something about crystals here. I continued my research, and looking on Google Maps, I saw a place that not only was named like a place that would have crystals covertly, but it was also something that my intuition was like setting off alarm bells saying, “Crystals are here!” After a year of being here, I finally made it out, and it’s only about 3 miles from my house. My intuition took me straight to the place where the crystals were. I get there, look down at my feet and find two of the best crystals I’ve ever found. I was astounded. I made some of the weirdest noises, like me trying to express my brain turning into jelly and exploding simultaneously with joy.
And today, I’m going on another magical adventure. There is this sacred place that’s undocumented. It’s just a place again that my intuition is telling me is super unique and hidden, covered up. About a year and a year-and-a-half ago, I went on a long hiking adventure with a friend to try to find it, but we weren’t successful. So before going on the hike, I did all sorts of research on maps looking at trails, Googling, and the like, and couldn’t find anything. There are many decoys places where people will point you to say that it is what it is, but none of it is. Well, my intuition just wouldn’t let it go, that’s what intuition does, and I did some more research, and while researching, I found something I didn’t see in my previous searches. I have a friend here who is a certified hiking guide and well-versed in the area’s sacred sites and rock formations. He’s pretty much an excerpt, and he’s the one I’m going hiking with today yay! So even if we don’t find anything, I know we will. We’ll be out in the woods, and it will be fun. It’s still going to be such an exciting adventure. I feel like we’re going to find the place today, but if we don’t, I knock another thing off my list where this place is not! And to do that, I get to do one of my favorite things explore the woods with a friend!
OK, so I don’t use cards or crystals astrology in my psychic medium readings. I know it’s popular and many people in New York City want tarot readers or palm readers. It’s just not something that I’ve ever done. But I have a weekly ritual where I tune in for myself and use oracle cards. So just about once a week, I will pull some oracle cards and have my own sacred time. It’s something I enjoy. I did it one day later than I usually do, so I did it last night, and the first card pole was not something that I like to see, and it was like, oh, you’re stuck, and you need to figure out why it is inside reasons are outside reasons. So I thought: I know what this is about.
I need to start publishing these journal entries, and there are some other things on New York City Psychic social media that I will change. So when I get a card pull that I don’t like, and I do feel like I know what it’s pointing to, then I will say, OK, if I change this like this, so in this case, I said if I were stuck, it would be because of an inside reason and what if I publish these Journal post tomorrow. I also changed up my social media as I intended and did some other work. And I pulled again. I know full well that if I need to address the issue that these oracles are talking about/warning me about, then when I pull again, I may get different cards, but they’re going to convey the same meaning. And I’m entirely OK with that. That’s helpful to help me understand that I am failing to see the issue.
Most of the time, I like a laser beam to know what is being brought up and what needs to be addressed. So if I address the correct issue and then pull again, I will get all different cards with different meanings. And that’s what happened here. I pulled again and got beautiful, wonderful expressive to my nervous system. And I am grateful. It is the one last nudge, or if you wanted to say permission from the Universe, to get these journal posts on the internet even if you are a bit afraid. And honestly, I’m not scared. I know it’s bold, I know it’s vulnerable, but the only thing that is stopping me is echoes from my abusers in the past. Seriously that’s all that it is – me being my authentic self and doing what I feel is right. I’m hitting publish!