4 MINUTE READ
It’s been one of those days that everything happens before 9:30 a.m. I know I need to come back to my journaling. It’s what keeps me grounded and sane. So here I am.
In the past week, I have accomplished more than a few things. I can’t give away too many details, but these are significant milestones. For example, only a few people would have so much trepidation around reposting on Instagram. However, these things represent so much more in my subconscious mind, and I’m proud that I’m overcoming them!
This week is Thanksgiving week, and although I’ve had one invite to join someone at a small family gathering, I’ve chosen to spend the day with my family, which is my cat and me. I feel lucky that I have zero pressure to spend that day navigating complex or toxic family dynamics, whether in my own or someone else’s. Sometimes when I tell people that I’ve been orphaned, they seem slightly jealous, but not in a bad way. There is an interesting flip side to such a significant loss: I no longer have to deal with toxic family politics. It’s striking, but it makes sense at the same time that I always felt more lonely around family and extended family than I was otherwise. It makes sense because my family poisoned me on Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter every year for six years straight. Finally, when I was in my late teens, I started being the complete gateKeeper of what I would ingest, and that’s when I stopped getting sick.
I sincerely look forward to my chosen family, as it were, growing. In the future, I’ll have many invites for these holidays and/or traditions, which I look forward to. For now, I’m happy that I’m not lonely. Last year was different because I spent Christmas and New Year’s with just my cat, which was not my preference. It took a lot for me not to break down on those days. However, this year it’s more of a celebration. There’s not much to miss with what is gone, and lots of celebration instead.
I’m still deciding whether I will go for a hike tomorrow (the day before Thanksgiving) because it’s going to be in the 50s, whereas Thanksgiving day is going to be much colder. I plan to spend the day hiking and then swing by the grocery store to pick up some treats on Thanksgiving. I won’t be completely alone on Thanksgiving, though. Besides my cat, I am also dog-sitting. Oh, and I also plan on going to the local coffee shop. I’ll go there, and if there’s no one there that I know, I’ll read a book. It sounds like a great day to me! If an introvert were reading this, I can imagine why you’d be jealous. Hahaha! It’s taken me quite a bit of processing to get to this point of authentic strength and gratitude.
Speaking of gratitude day, I have so much to be grateful for. Over the past year, I have grown into myself. All those toxic relationships kind of created an arrested development of sorts, and getting rid of those relationships has allowed these parts of me to grow. I still hit bumps in the road, but I genuinely feel like there is no such thing as lack anymore—no more lack of time, no more lack of money, no more lack of love. So much inner work has led me to this place. However, my ego had a tough time relaxing and not believing that the other shoe was about to drop.
I know from my weekly Sunday ritual that one of the themes for this week is honoring detours. And I mention that because some of the main tasks I want to do this week keep getting put off by detours! So I will honor them and keep track of all of them getting done, even if it’s not the things I wanted to do on my to-do list.
That’s all I’ve got to say for now. I’m going to post this now and get on with my day.