4 MINUTE READ
I’m looking forward to the day when I don’t feel weird, rushed, or guilty for spending time on my self-care. When I often sit down to do my journal in practice, my ego screams out that I should be doing something else. Well, I’ve overcome this every time I’ve written a journal entry, but as I said, I’m looking forward to the day when that voice calms down. I know that the stronger the agent is, the stronger the medicine is on the other side, which means that if, in this case, my ego is screaming no, that means that the practice that it’s trying to prevent me from doing is probably equally as powerful and healing.
Sometimes when I sit down to write a journal entry, it’s like using my intuition, in general, I just have to start with one tiny grain of an idea, and the rest flows, and that’s the case now. Now I feel more in the flow, but those first couple of sentences were super painful for me!
Yesterday my neighbor sent me an email, and it was an email that her partner wrote to his email list. He’s a great writer; I read it while in the coffee shop. Tears of joy and healing flooded my face when I read what he wrote. “One of our neighbors with whom we’ve become friendly lets us know when she goes hiking alone. In the event she doesn’t text to tell us she’s arrived home safely, send out a search party!” “Am i responsible for my neighbor out hiking in the Catskills? Yes, because she asked, and i agreed.” I can’t tell you how good it feels to know these caring people live close by and are helping to watch out for me. Of course, I’m almost 43 years old and can care for myself; however, no one would know if I went missing, and I didn’t ask them to look out for me. Now, if they text me and I don’t get back to them, they will do something about it, even outside the context of hiking. It’s incredible how much has changed in the past year!
I have decided today to go for that hike. If I don’t go out today, I will regret it because it will be cold for quite a while. I’m still dealing with the effects of catabolic distress due to being orphaned from my entire biological family. What this means is that I have poor circulation. Last year I got frostbite on my toes just walking three blocks. And this was with wool socks on and heavy boots. I also get hot in the summer. I used to go hiking in all four seasons. Even when it was below freezing, I was bundled up and had a lot of layers. But currently, I’m not able to do that. I see an improvement in my health as my network of caring people get more robust and broader, but it’s tough to say, and I can’t take chances with my physical health.
This time last year, I was in a town where no one knew me, and I knew nothing about the city. I was dating the very last covert narcissist I would ever date. And I was desperate for connection. Now I have people texting me, looking out for me, asking me to watch their dogs, and enjoying my company and healthy ways.
Oh, also, last night when I went to the coffee shop, I ran into a person I’ve wanted to meet for a while! I saw them perform at a local festival a few months ago, and their performance moved me to tears. After the performance, I reached out on Instagram and asked if they would be on my podcast, and they said yes. I knew this person lived in the neighborhood but never met them in person. And guess who was at the coffee shop last night!? It was so good to run into this person and tell them, face to face, how much their performance impacted me. They also said to keep bugging them because they are swamped. But they still want to be on the podcast and reach out after the holidays. That was a gift!
I better wrap this up because I must prepare for the hike. I need to come back before lunch because I’m invited to my neighbors for lunch! This past year I can count on one hand how many meals I’ve shared with another human. I’m happy it is shifting rapidly. If I find any fantastic crystals, I will include them in the post so you can see them!