7 MINUTE READ
Well, this is exciting! It’s taken a lot of diligent work to get here. Although my journal entries have been online for a while now, I didn’t have the right setup to post them correctly. It’s taken a couple of weeks, but now we’re here, it’s easier than ever for me to post. This is exciting and daunting at the same time. It’s like any other big decision when you’ve made it, and you say, “I guess I’m really doing this now!” or “This is really happening!” Just because I’ve wanted something for a long time doesn’t mean that I won’t be slightly nervous now that it’s here, just like any other big change in life.
Last night I went to the neighbors for a holiday party. It’s bittersweet to know that it had been at least seven years, if not longer, since I had personally been invited to a holiday party. The main reason why it had been so long is because of my isolation. Not only was I raised by someone who needed to keep me isolated as a function of the abuse, but as an adult, I found myself repeatedly manifesting romantic partners that did the same. Not only was the holiday party so amazing last night, but it’s also a milestone and celebration that my isolation and that type of abuse is over!
I don’t know if it’s because I am on the Autism Spectrum, if it’s the c-PTSD, or being a highly sensitive person, or a combination of them (honestly, it doesn’t really matter, but I get curious sometimes about the causes), but I tend to only be able to go to social engagements for short periods of time. Given the right atmosphere in the right group of people, I found a successful formula for me is going at the start time (which means most people haven’t shown up yet), staying for about an hour, and then leaving. Then the socialization and talking to the right people feel like just enough, and it doesn’t drain me. Usually, if I stay for more than an hour, it gets too much, and I start to get drained.
Last night’s holiday party was quite different! I was pleasantly surprised that the group of 30 people my neighbors got together was the loveliest bunch of people I’ve encountered in I don’t know how long. Something else I’ve learned about myself in social situations is I do better with highly curated situations. Mainly it’s the people that need to be highly curated. Being an award-winning New York City psychic, and being on the autism spectrum, really does make me a rare bird. One of the aspects of being on the autism spectrum is a narrow range of topics that I’m interested in. Up until about a year ago, I would heavily mask and feign interest in whatever people were talking about. Now that I’m letting the mask down and only allowing myself the people, places, and topics that nourish me (however narrow those subjects are), I find I have infinitely more energy supply! in general, I’m a much happier person, my health is better, I sleep better in the world is a brighter place!
The second half of the party was held in this large attic-like space on the third floor. They called it the “Cold Poet Society” because it was in the middle of Winter, But it wasn’t that cold. At one point, I felt like I was in the book “Little Women,” acting out creative scenes under the exposed beams by candlelight. It was all very exciting! All the guests were encouraged to share their “gift.” People read poetry, sang songs, shared prayers, and honestly expressed gratitude. There were interpretive dances and improv expressions as well. When I reflected on what gift I would share, I thought about sharing a song. I do play the ukulele and recently got an electric guitar. but I haven’t practiced enough to the point where I want to share with a group. Truthfully when somebody asked me to share my gift, I think about my intuitive gifts and my intuition school. But that didn’t seem appropriate for the setting or “fair” to me. In other words, if someone was gifted at math and happened to be a great tax accountant, it wouldn’t be fair for that tax accountant to say, “I’ll do all 30 of your taxes for free as a gift from me to you!”
The gift that I decided to share, I was very satisfied with. The truth is that when I go out and collect crystals, I ask the crystals for permission. In the beginning, when I started to find so many crystals, and therefore taking a ton home, before gathering the crystals, I asked the crystals, ”Are you sure all of you should be coming home with me?” To which they replied, ”Absolutely! The reason is that you’re not going to hord us. We are seeds of consciousness; without you, we wouldn’t be able to spread around the world. We are happy to be fostered by you and then to be able to find our forever homes through the people you encounter!” When I got that answer from the crystals, it all made sense. I am somewhat of a minimalist and do not collect a lot of “stuff”. Even though I regularly come home with a backpack full of beautiful crystals, I can’t imagine a life where these are just piled up on shelves in my house or in some storage space. That is not like me at all!
When it came time for me to share my gift, I got the speak on behalf of the crystals, and it felt really good. After I shared how they came to me and why I was gifting them to the people at the party, and how each person could choose which crystal they would adopt (Hint: it was not using their two eyes), I shared the following statement “I’ve always wanted to be a super magical person….” And I couldn’t even get the rest of this out before the entire room all chimed in with “Awe!“ and “You are a magical person, clearly!”. This made me stammer just a bit, and I thanked everyone for reflecting that back to me, and then I finished my statement, “ I’ve always wanted to be a super magical person, and now I know I am. Thanks for that reflection, but I never even dreamt that I would be the type of person that would go on hikes and look down at my feet and find crystals. That type of magic is beyond my wildest dreams.” and it’s absolutely true.
Afterward, a new friend Anna said, “But that’s not something you can learn, right? When I told her that I found the crystals using my intuition. “Well, you can learn to trust your intuition, so if you want to use it to find crystals, you can surely learn it. that’s what I do. I teach people how to trust their intuition. I have a school.” I think it’s awesome that some people’s motivation to learn to trust their intuition will be to go on hikes and find crystals, while others will be so that they can have healthy relationships. And still, a million motivations exist in between. Each reason is as valid as the next.
I was so much in alignment with the intention and the people last night, but I could get there at the start and stay to the very end! I spent an entire 4 hours out! I was not drained by the end. Instead, I was invigorated! And that feels like magic to me.