6 MINUTE READ
One thing I’ve gotten better at is celebrating baby steps. I will often know where I want to go in terms of change, but it takes a while to get there. Knowing that it takes time is helpful, but it’s just celebrating the tiny steps that bring me closer and help me accomplish the change I desire that helps me accomplish my goals the most.
It’s been over a week since I cut eight inches off my hair. I did a fantastic job and am very satisfied with it. Interestingly, despite the celebration I mentioned in my last post about my isolation being over and finally attracting healthy relationships, only two people in the past week noticed that I cut half my hair off. And both of those people were virtual. It’s not that I genuinely am complaining or am sad; it’s more of a marker of where I’m at. I saw a bunch of people over the past week out and about, but they are just acquaintances, townspeople. I find it strange that nobody noticed, simply because if somebody I were acquainted with cut off half of their hair, I would notice. But again, it helps me realize where I’m at and where I want to go.
It wasn’t until after I cut off eight inches that I realized my former hairstyle was what my ex-husband preferred. We’ve been separated/divorced for five years now. And I just realized that my personal beauty preferences we’re still based on an old toxic relationship. So, it made me even more glad that I cut off the old hair.
Something else I wanted to write about today is that this week’s ritual theme was about taking bold steps forward by following my intuition. It’s cool because I was getting indicators of stalling or stagnating the week before. This week indicated that I was out of that stagnation and being invited to take authentic, bold steps. These journal entries are the embodiment of that, and in case I didn’t say before, I change people’s names, and there are only a few times where I change details. I only switch elements when it’s not safe or wise for me to share them.
Speaking of not sharing details, many people out there have never experienced having their social media dragged through the courtroom. It’s common knowledge that someone’s social media is not an accurate or complete representation of their life. In other words, many people’s social media highlights when things go well. For me, my social media is there to support my business. It just so happens that my business is personal development and that sharing vulnerable stories helps my audience. But that’s not to say that on social media, I bare all. I don’t even think that people desire that on social media. If people’s feed mirrored real life more precisely, it would be much more mundane, chaotic, and perhaps a roller coaster in some cases.
Well, this past year, after I was orphaned, I had quite a bit of healing to do, as you might imagine, and I didn’t post on social media at all because I didn’t have any energy or bandwidth. Everything I did was focused on surviving and healing. When it started to warm up outside, my intuition flowed with this idea for a reel on social media. Making the real was fun, and I was proud of it because it was very educational and entertaining. As I said, it had been quite a long time since I had shown my face there. But just because I put up a few posts doesn’t mean I wasn’t still focusing on survival and healing. That may sound obvious to some. However, it was just after this point that one of the stalkers I was dealing with had his lawyer and workers comb through everything about me on the internet. That is not a problem; I mean, it’s out there in public; I know it’s out there in public, and anyone can see it. The issue came in because I was still healing, facing homelessness, and quite alone, and my health was suffering from all the trauma when all these accusations of me faking it came through the court system. It’s almost like my biggest fear; I didn’t even know I had come true. I would never have guessed that I would have been in court in the first place, let alone have someone’s lawyer say, “I can’t wait for the judge to see that she even has her own TV show!” insinuating that I was, in fact, not suffering in the way I was.
I only mention all that stuff because it makes these journal entries all the more potent. That stalker is the last toxic relationship I have in my life. At the moment, I cannot just walk away from it. It’s not under my complete control. So, in other words, the same person who took me to court and paid people to make bizarre accusations based on what I put out on the internet (for my job) is still out there, and I am refusing to allow that fact to cause any anxiety or to hide my voice.
The most remarkable thing about all that happened is that I won close to $30,000 in that court case. Not only that, but I’ve never heard of someone winning the way I did. Someone asked me the other day if I had to fight hard for that. And I searched for the right words for a second before responding, ”I passively fought, ” which is very accurate regarding my participation or energy toward the situation. It was extremely minimal. I filled out one form and showed up to court once, but we weren’t even seen that day. I had one in-person conversation with my court-appointed lawyer and a few emails. Otherwise, I lived my life while waiting eight months to find out. Meanwhile, the other party was spinning their wheels, creating gossip, lying, s***-talking me to other people, calling me names, harassing me, and doing all sorts of weird stalkery behavior. But I have to say, the outcome is me knowing how awesome I am.
As I said, we celebrate every time we have a new troll or stalker. I’ve had a lot of trolls this past year, and this last remaining one is the most tenacious. But after everything I’ve gone through, I can tell you with 100% certainty not only will I be okay, but I am thriving!
