I can't believe I'm doing this! I've wanted to post my journal entries for a long time. Although I'm just on the cusp of the age where people would publish their diary entries online, on like blog.com, at that age, I was not on the Internet. It is intimidating as a New York City Psychic, but I know I'm in control.
I value my a.m. practice, which keeps me sane and able to move through life's complexities more easily. As it just so happens at this point, my cat is sitting on my lap. It's time for me to journal, so I can't exactly journal with a cat on my lap the traditional way, pen-to-paper, but I can get out of my computer and share my thoughts. So instead, I'm using voice to text. As I "write,” my cat is not too happy. Sometimes she gets a little confused when I'm talking. She's like, “Who are you talking to?”
Last night, I dreamt about “that guy” again. Let's see… I'll call him “Hendrick.” In the dream, Hendrik and I were involved romantically. However, Hendrick was married. What was interesting about this Hendrick guy is he is a guy from my past, and he's a guy that I dated. We were out of touch for about seven years in real life, and I had dreams like that for the entire seven years. Finally, at the end of that seven years, we got back in touch, and it turns out that he is married in real life and is still thinking about me, pining for me.
After we got back in touch again, in real life, we had a few complications. We never did anything that would threaten his marriage, and those dreams stopped. But occasionally, I'll have them. They'll come, and they'll go, and when they are here, I think about what's going on with Hendrik in real life. Does he think about me? Will I run into him? We do live near each other. But I have yet to run into him. I've never been in a place where I have even come close to being with somebody who's married. I think in terms of the Golden Rule, do unto others… But waking up this morning from that dream, I feel like there's some entanglement, maybe energetically.
I like to clean up my life in any way that I can. I want a clean house (I'm not OCD or anything). If I have done something wrong, I will apologize. I'll take ownership and say I'm sorry. If I see a pattern in my life that I know I can change, I'll do my best to take baby steps all the way there until the pattern has changed. For all the other people in my life that I don't wish to be involved with, I've cut the ties energetically, you know, the whole cord-cutting thing. After this dream, I realize that's what I need to do with Hendrick. I didn't fully realize there was this entanglement before. I mean, we're not in touch. I haven't heard from him or his family in over a year, and things, as we left them, left a bad taste in my mouth the last time we interacted. It was a surprise to me to realize that there were chords to be cut in the first place. I know what I'll be doing this full moon!
Journaling can be good therapy. I value it as part of my a.m. practice (I use a.m. instead of the morning because I believe words are potent, and I use the word morning when I'm in grief when I'm mourning the loss of someone or something. I am not mourning every day when I wake up. So when I remember, I use a.m. instead of morning.) When you write in a journal, your thoughts have to be slowed down, and slowing my thoughts down enough to write often allows me enough time to slow down and figure out what is bothering me or what I want to celebrate. Is there a problem, some friction, or something I'm trying to figure out? Through journaling, the answers come and shift my perspective.
Recently the positive benefits of journaling have come from reflecting on my dreams. I've had a few dreams lately that seem super magical, and I'm so excited about the dream. So much that when I wake up, I wish the dream hadn’t ended or that my real life was like the dream. But it's when I've been sitting down to journal, and it's not a dream journal per se; it's just my regular journaling, but the dreams come up, and I record them. That's when I realized that these dreams are f***** up. These dreams mirror real situations from my past and problems that could happen again in the future if I don't recognize they're messed up. They are scenarios of “love bombing” or covert manipulation or situations where I just gave up all my power and trusted someone else over myself. And so reflecting on these dreams has allowed me to regain my control, become stronger quicker, see patterns, and overcome them without having to go through that trauma and abuse again in real life. Similar to this Hendrik dream. They did stop for several months, but you know they came back now and then. It's made me see that there is more energetically going on than I had thought. And truth be told, if I were married, I would not want my partner to be energetically tied to a past lover while they were married to me. That may sound extreme, but that's just my life. So I am going to stop journaling now and do a cord-cutting ritual. Put my feet on the Earth, return that energy to the Earth and take my power back. I'm excited to let go of that entanglement and free myself up for relationships in the Here and Now. And so it is.
P.S. I did cut the cords right after this. I’m pretty convinced it freed up a TON of energy. Read the following few entries and decide for yourself!
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